Lughnasadh is just around the corner. For me, Lughnasadh represents harvesting the seeds I planted during Ostara... or perhaps even before... but not seeds in the literal sense. Seeds of creativity, of balance, and of purpose in my life.

And I find myself staring down the barrel at Lughnasadh coming this Friday and find that, in taking stock of where I am, I'm coming up short. I despise admitting that. I really do.

I'm just too busy, and need a break. Except every time I'm given a break I feel like I squander it.

I've planted this overgrown garden myself, though, and I'm not sure what to do to weed it properly. What to give up? What to keep?

I believe in every single thing I'm doing, and when I chastise myself for, say, taking too much downtime for myself on my day off when I should probably be spending more time with my husband or writing or cleaning or going for a jog or something, I look back to the promises I made myself on Ostara regarding finding balance in my life and have to remind myself that I work 40+ hours a week, manage all the finances of my household, and volunteer in my community--I need to stop, to carve out some time for myself because I do need to balance the serious things in my life with less-serious, more enjoyable pursuits. Except "less-serious" and "more enjoyable" are bad misnomers, because spending time with my spouse or my cat are important things that just happen to also be fun, and because my work and volunteerism just happen to also be enjoyable. As I said, I believe in every single on of my irons in the fire.

I need a clone. Or maybe I'll just start sleeping less. I'm guessing if I worked out more that I'd have more energy to do more things...

But in the meantime, Lughnasadh is here and I've done very little on my pet writing project since the spring, haven't taken many photographs and haven't pursued selling my work despite everyone telling me to do so, have let my yoga practice wither on the vine, have packed on a few pounds that really don't need to be there, feel like I'm not spending enough time with my husband and that I'm not meeting the needs of various people to whom I've promised my time and expertise.

I guess this Friday, late in the evening, after I complete my work for the day, if it's not raining (as it seems to be doing a lot lately), I'll build a fire outside and do some gazing and some thinking and possibly some divination and see what thoughts appear on how to improve before Lughnasadh next year.

Lughnasadh is a good time for taking stock of things; I just wish I could look back this year on more success.

I recently came across some gorgeous journals that I thought I'd pass along (the site's design isn't great, but the journals they sell look amazing). I already have a really wonderful high-end journal that I use in conjunction with my path, so I'm not in the market for another one, but thought I'd pass the link along in case any of you were interested.

I suppose that as long as I'm posting about expensive journals, I should also recommend the company from which I purchased mine: Oberon Designs (which does have a very nice site design indeed). I use their World Tree journal, which I purchased in a shop some time ago. I love it, but just now in looking at their site I rather wish I'd seen their Tree of Life journal when I was in the market for one. Really lovely stuff indeed.

Seven people have suffered gunshot wounds in a mass shooting inside the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in West Knoxville (TN) Sunday morning.

Please join me in sending prayers, energy and hope to this congregation, especially those who are injured, the two souls who have crossed over as of the time of this post, and the families affected by this senseless tragedy.

I'm generally not overfond of lyric blog posts, but I was wondering if there are any other pagan Delerium fans out there who feel the same connection to the lyrics of Euphoria. It's become my ... what should I call it ... anthem? Hymn? Every time I hear it, it reminds me to not lose sight of my path.

The opening lyrics remind me of my past upbringing in Christianity and my personal revelation that I should instead believe in what feels right, rather than what I'm told is right: I have loved, and I have served, and I have sinned, but I have learned as long as you are true to the life that you live this is the time to feel love.

The next bit and the chorus remind me of something I'm still experiencing, and something that I hope I will always continue to experience--that feeling of something important just over the horizon that energizes me and makes me feel whole: I feel a stirring deep within, slowly picking up momentum, like the tide coming in to shore, over and under in its course... this feeling emblazed inside, every nerve like a firefly, hovering above me, glowing divine.

And then the final bit, the bit that's most important to me and makes this feel like my anthem: I never want to lose what I have finally found. There's a requiem, a new congregation, and it's telling me go forward and walk under a brighter sky... every nerve glowing like a firefly.

I'm not sure if my interpretation of the lyrics are the same as that intended by the lyricist and singer, Jacqui Hunt. Writing this post made me curious, though, so I did some digging and found nothing, save for the video for the song... and that made things even murkier. The video is artistic, and seems to revolve around meeting mannequins in hotel rooms for erotic purposes.

I think I prefer my own interpretation...

What's your anthem?

I would like to thank all of you who posted last weekend of your Esbat rituals. Reading of them made me realize--not for the first time--how very disconnected I become from the moon during the months of summer. I miss her light on these long northern "nights" and look forward to seeing her more as we slide toward autumn and winter.

Fortunately, it's already getting dark enough in the evenings that I need a light source for reading or writing, but it's been perpetually overcast, and I've still not seen the moon or stars since late spring. How I miss them! The darkness of winter never bothers me, for even on the darkest day I enjoy a few hours of light, but I've never gotten used to losing the moon and stars for months on end.

If anyone else who reads this lives in the far North, I'm curious... how do you keep in touch with the moon when you go without seeing her for months on end?